Can someone explain the CPU 5 minute load average thing to me?

So the 5min load average (and 1min and 15min) is a Linux specific thing and not directly to do with LogicMonitor. There are various pages online you can look at to understand it better, such as https://www.scoutapm.com/understanding-load-averages/. LogicMonitor themselves have a old page about it at https://www.logicmonitor.com/blog/what-the-heck-is-cpu-load-on-a-linux-machine-and-why-do-i-care.