Hey Rob -
You might check out the Scripted EventSource for this use-case. It's not exactly what you're asking for, but I think will get you most of the way there. Check out:
http://www.logicmonitor.com/support/eventsources/types-of-events/script-eventsources/
In this case you'd write a script (or maybe a stored procedure) that would write your text-based metrics out somewhere (e.g. sql table, text file, etc.) and schedule this job to run at your desired frequency. Then you'd write an EventSource script that would query the place where that data is written. The EventSource logic will assign those events to whichever devices on which it applies, and you can optionally setup alerts that would serve to remind someone to go check these and perform tuning accordingly.
